Feline Physics


Law of Cat Inertia

- A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, ora nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

- A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

- All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

- Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

- A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

- All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

- If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.


Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

- Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

- A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

- All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

- A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Cat Disinterest

- A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

- Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

- A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.


Law of Cat Elongation

- A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

- A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

- A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

- Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

- No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

- A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

Physics Cat 4

First Law of Energy Conservation

- Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

- Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Milk Consumption

- A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

- A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

- A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

- A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.