New Office Terms


  • A Mills and Doom – doomed office romance

  • Adhocracy - a department with little to no process or organisational ability

  • Administrivia – vitally important stuff that managers leave to everyone else

  • Agenda Bender - a co-worker who is easily side-tracked in meetings.

  • Al desco dining – eating at your desk. See also Deskfast

  • Blamestorming – a meeting in which a scapegoat is identified for causing a problem

  • Blownus – the money which would have gone on paying bonuses that was spent on the directors xmas lunch

  • Brandalism – sticking company logos on everything and anything

  • A Buellerlemic – an employee addicted to throwing a sickie

  • Chainsaw Consultant – an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count

  • Chartist – an accountant with a deep love of graphs

  • Chinese holiday - taking a five-minute break by faking the need for the loo and just sitting on a china latrine, head in hands

  • Clapathy – not caring enough about what you’ve just seen to applaud

  • Communicaking – a session where employers encourage staff to network with colleagues by bribing them with coffee and donuts

  • Crapplicant – an applicant that’s crap.

  • Credit munch – switching to a cheaper lunch

  • Cybernating – snoozing at your computer

  • Decruiting – firing someone

  • Deja-moo – bullshit that you’ve heard before

  • Delegut - A representative at a conference whose sole contribution seems to be that of demolishing the lunch buffet.

  • Desk jockey – office-based employee

  • Deskfast - eating your breakfast at your desk

  • Dracula shift – Going to work in the dark. Going home in the dark

  • The Dopeler effect: Tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

  • Ego-Surfing – Searching Google for instances of your name.

  • Flashturbation – self-congratulatory and excessive use of animation in Powerpoint

  • Fleemail. Email delegating responsibilities whilst avoiding confrontation, sent just as your boss is about to leave

  • A Friday FOE. Someone who tends to leave early for the weekend. (ie Fucks Off Early)

  • Goat rodeo – an embarrassing meeting

  • Googlenosis – looking up symptoms on the web to make your sickie more believable. 

  • Google Zoo – when an entire office is pretending to work

  • Horizontal Promotion: climbing the career ladder while laying on your back.

  • Incompitemp Temporary office drone. Serving only to drain budgets and wreak havoc. Possibly offset by tea making skills.

  • iTea department – a group of individuals who break up their day with excessive kitchen loitering.

  • Kebab manoeuvre – packing up low quality products, heavily marketing them and selling at an elevated price

  • Lynx Minx – A female who brings improvements in personal hygiene in male staff

  • A Middleton – posh, pretty dimwit in the marketing dept who is only killing time until she marries into money

  • Mushroom Management. Keeping staff in the dark and covered in shit.

  • Open Kimono – throwing an idea out, but being open to criticism

  • Parliamentary bonus - act of wrongly claiming expenses to get more money

  • Pope-ing it – when losing the real argument during a meeting, to take the moral high ground

  • Putting socks on an octopus – an impossible task

  • Randy Pogo – someone who jumps around the office trying to get laid

  • Ricky Malaise – The discomfort felt when someone attempts a David Brent impersonation

  • Ronnie Bics -  the great stationery cupboard robber

  • Scatisfaction - the smug feeling one gets whilst taking an extended dump on company time

  • Shirking from home  - The act of telecommuting

 • Special Projects Manager = dead man walking
  • Special sauce – adding a low-cost ingredient to a poor product and achieving a 500% mark-up

  • Stroperator – the mardy bitch on reception with an over-inflated sense of importance.

  • Teahydrated – the urge, nay the need for tea

  • Teflon Shoulders - nickname for co-worker who offloads work to others, a drop of the shoulder and it slides off onto someone else

  • T.W.A.T - a person who doesn’t work Monday or Friday – only Tue Wed And Thu 

  • Wallpapering fog – a pointless exercise

  • Zombie project – an initiative that keeps coming back to life no matter how many previous attempts to kill it